A few of my expat mom friends (also known to call ourselves "sister wives") in Seoul recently posted this article from www.unspecial.org. 

While Kyle and I have no intention of being on the road until Nathan has racked up his seventh country and fourth continent (as in the article), it is a timely article for our little family as we continue to transition into (and explore) the culture, childbirth, friends, playgroups and life in Germany, all the while missing the trappings and familiarity that "home" brings. 

I thought you might enjoy the article, too: 

From http://www.unspecial.org/2013/03/expatmothers/

Expatmothers

CLAUDIA LANDING

“My two boys, 16 and 21, are quadrilingual, have lived in seven countries on four continents, have friends in almost any country and feel at home anywhere in the world. I draw on my experience as an expatmother to reflect on some of the harsh aspects – and some of the good ones! – of bringing up children as citizens of the world”

Bringing up children in an unfamiliar environment and subjecting them to drastic changes of cultures, schools, friends, geography and climate is a unique challenge. This article is dedicated to those mothers who lead a mobile lifestyle, and bring up their children in ever-changing cultural environments and without an extended family and long-time friends to accompany them in what is probably the most magical and profound experience a woman can have. The lives of these mothers are marked by distinct factors and feelings.

Children usually don’t accept changes easily. While being very resilient creatures, most of them don’t like the idea of saying good-bye to a cosy and familiar setting, to move to an unknown country, a new school, and to have to make new friends, let alone learn a new language. Abruptly pulling them out of what constitutes their world is a task that always fills a mother with anguish and guilt. Adults are aware of the motivations that push them to new adventures, but children can be frustrated by a choice they do not share. Accompanying them through the process of breaking-thenews- saying-good-bye-packing-leaving-arriving- unpacking-settling-down can be painful and stressful for a mother, especially if she is the one in charge of helping the whole family build a new social and affective circle when relocating.

Upon arrival expatmothers are often first in line to help the family adapt, despite having no concrete link to the new country – no job, no school, no role. This feeling of isolation can be made stronger by the pressure of having to be optimistic and positive, so as to ease the transition for the whole family. Expatmothers become the glue that keeps the project together, the link that gives meaning to the suffering of relocating. That is why it is essential that expatmothers be very enthusiastic and profoundly convinced of their choice. Relocating demands a lot of emotional energy and commitment, but it can turn into a fabulous experience if the project really comes from the heart. Only strong motivation will enable expatmothers to communicate to their children the enthusiasm needed to overcome the initial obstacles.

The inability to clearly interpret the situation and give it back simplified and comprehensible to their children is another burden for expatmothers, who become the filter their children need to read their new surroundings. They must understand new and unknown lifestyles, registers, attitudes, and cultural expressions in order to fit in. While for permanent mothers the process of helping their children decode the world starts and ends in a known and familiar surrounding, expatmothers have to go through it in a world that is unknown to them. They must explain attitudes and behaviours they don’t understand to their children. While it is impossible to do that at the beginning, what can be shared and reinforced in children is the sense of curiosity and discovery that gives value to the encounter with a new culture. Instead of simply explaining how things work, it can be worthwhile to stimulate children in the journey of discovery, stressing the richness that comes from it.

The lack of a support network, which back home is constituted by an extended family, long-time friends, neighbours, and so on, is another problem expatmothers must learn to deal with. Without a supportive network, every single choice becomes difficult. Not only do expatmothers lack all the elements needed to take decisions, because they don’t know the culture, but they also have no one to rely on when choosing for their children. Besides, if anything sudden and serious happens (an accident, a disease, political troubles), expatmothers can only count on themselves to take care of their children. They certainly become experts in building solidarity and support networks, but this takes time, and that’s why it is very important to break the isolation as soon as possible: schools, expat clubs, women’s associations, neighbours, anything that can help get in touch with people is a must for relocating mothers.

Another difficulty expatmothers usually report is being geographically far from their parents, which means depriving their children of the pleasure of growing up with their grandparents. Especially for cultures that hold the extended family as a fundamental value, distance can be a big source of suffering. The good news is that technology and developments in the travel industry have made it very easy to shorten this distance. For an expatchild, talking to grandparents on Skype has become very natural, and grandparents travel more than in the past, thus establishing an affective routine that could be the envy of any ‘permanent’ grandchild. It is just a matter of using creativity and changing perspective to accept a new way of enjoying the family.
www.expatclic.com

I read this article after I returned home from my first Mothers Corner coffee and am happy to have "broken my isolation." 

:) sbc

"Moving" Right Along

No pictures-sorry! 

Pete arrived safely yesterday. He cleared customs at Frankfurt International and spent the night at the Luftansa Cargo Animal Lounge, "The world's most advanced animal station combines handling, animal coordination and veterinary services on 3,750 sq.m of space under one roof."

The house is starting to come together. Thankfully, the movers unpacked everything (unless we asked them not to, like items for the storage rooms) and put it together (beds, cribs, etc.). 

The challenge is knowing where you want something placed--on the spot. At least almost all the boxes were unpacked in the "correct" room, so even though there is a lot of stuff everywhere, it is just a matter of arranging the items.  

My motivation to tackle the storage boxes: Somewhere in that mess are my maternity jeans, and I will need them sooner rather than later!

:)sbc

March Madness

Kyle and I purchased new computers recently, and to get the GM discount for both my Macbook and his Dell, we had to ship to the US. Ok, no problem, can't be that hard to ship to Germany, right? We began to learn about the cost of shipping (not to mention the many, many methods available) both machines as well as their accessories: Forms, customs declarations and insurance--oh my!

Kyle turned to me, "Do you have an interest in taking Natey to the US for a brief visit?"

And that's how our unexpected trip to the States this March happened. We used our miles so the trip was "free," and Natey and I (and my RAGING first trimester) got a reprieve from our seemingly never-ending temporary living situations. 

It was a win-win: Kyle got to really sink his teeth into his new work situation without worrying about being home in time for Nate's bath, and we got to visit family, celebrate my birthday, my mom's birthday and watch NCAA basketball. Go Blue!

Jess decided to surprise her girls--they had no idea we were making the trip, and the looks on their faces were priceless!

Surprise!

Surprise!

Reunited!

My 38th birthday cake (I was expecting spring. I was wrong. So, I had to rock the Granholm fleece)

On St. Patrick's Day Sunday, we watched basketball and had some fun around the house before I left to see Michelle, Luke, Graham and Cece for Graham's third birthday! I had to eat my cake and run, though, because we had a big family dinner of corned beef and cabbage in DeWitt. Sorry for my brief appearance, Michelle!

Hadi clearly has the luck o' the Irish

A litte St. Patrick's Day fun

Graham and Michelle Tobin at Graham's third birthday party--Make a wish!

All hail the power of the iPad

On Tuesday, March 19, I had my doc appointment in Royal Oak and afterward was able to stop in Northville (thanks for taking the detour, Hadi) to meet many of my Seoul friends that have repatriated to Michigan in the last year or so. It was so nice to see them and even more fun to say, "I didn't bring pics of Natey, but I have this new picture..." as I showed them the ultrasound! Thanks for hosting a great lunch, Carla!

L to R: Carla Thomas, Dorie Maugh, Leslie Madden, me and Susan Farrar

Most of the Crockett family joined us for my birthday dinner and we got together several other times for some food and fun. 

Natey and Grandpa doing a balancing act

Natey showing off his dance moves for Nana :)

Natey and Claire: Two peas in a pod!

A big thanks to everybody on both sides of the family--we appreciate them taking time away from their lives to spend some time hanging out with Nathan and me!

An after-bath cuddle

Thin Mint + Good Book with Gram = Smiley Boy

Close examination of the pop-up book with Gram

:)sbc

When September Ends

Living abroad for a finite amount of time lends itself to a lifestyle in which it helps--when you are feeling far away--to mark dates and events to anticipate. It kind of keeps you going when you need a boost.  

But, I try very hard--I mean, I really make a conscious effort--to not always count toward things that have to do with leaving my current expat location or coming home to visit.  

And don't get me wrong, I love the expat experience. The things Nate, Kyle and I have done and seen and the places we've traveled are awesome. I mean, a 21 month old with passport stamps like China, US, Vietnam, Japan (ok, that was a layover), Bali (ok, that was in utero) and Germany, how can I really feel blue!? 

I do have moments where I miss home so much that I can't see straight. I have learned to acknowledge these moments and move on. No biggie. It's alright to cry.

When I came across the cards from my bachelorette party with everyone's favorite memories, I had a good cry on the edge of the bathtub and moved on.  When I saw Jessica's girls on skype and they look like different people and have grown an inch, I swallowed hard and smiled.  When my family emailed me the video of their drive past my lonely tree on the way to the cottage--well--that one was worth a good sob in Kyle's arms, actually.

I treat missing home like a mosquito bite:  Don't itch it.  Ignore it until the sting goes away.  But sometimes you brush against it and it stops you in your tracks.

So I have lots of countdowns to inspire me to focus on all the good stuff. Like:

XX weeks until we move into the Königstein house and make it our home
XX weeks until we start our European travels (Italy, Spain, Greece...yes, please!)
XX weeks until we come to the States for a summer visit
XX weeks until Nathan turns two
XX weeks until College Football starts
XX weeks until Opening Day (right around the corner now!)
XX weeks until Christmas

Of course, the key is to keep the list interesting, adding new things as older ones pass.  Events recently retired from the list include the number of days until we leave Korea and relocate to Germany; and--very exciting--the number of days until Natey and I get to see the Bupp and Crockett extended families on an unexpected March Madness visit to Michigan.

Kyle and I learned we have something new to add to my list of things to count down:

XX days until the arrival of Baby C, Junior.  Nathan is going to be a big brother!

True story.

Baby C, Junior, coming September 2013 :)

:)sbc

Signs of Spring

One of the delis we frequent (where they always give Natey a little sample of meat or sausage, so cute, "For the baby...") is next to a very quaint flower shop. I love how they are encouraging spring to make her debut...

Come on, spring!

:) sbc

 

While You Were Sleeping

Because we knew we were moving, we didn't go crazy with Nathan's Christmas gifts, instead deciding to wait until we arrived in Germany to repopulate his toy collection that would be waylaid in the sea shipment. A good idea, turns out, as we won't have access to our house (and thus our sea shipment) until early April.

So, while Natey was sleeping in the afternoon, Kyle went exploring and came back with Nathan's first Lego set and some additions to his beloved animal collection. They were very well received. Nice shopping, Daddy!

Choo-choo!

New animals for his expanding kingdom

"Frraaain!" (Train)

Happy bed-headed boy

:) sbc

 

New Year, New Continent, New Country

It’s been a whirlwind (and, I think a tornado, tsunami and flashflood)—I don’t know if we’re coming or going. Usually, I find it’s both!

Late January

I was on the phone with my mom when I realized just what a really lucky girl I am.  I was recalling a conversation I just had with a friend, “Mom, who says, ‘My dad is meeting us in Europe so he can help take care of our son so we can more easily go house hunting and school searching?  I guess I do.’ ”

That summed up my life at the moment.  Crazy.  And how nice of Beepa to join us for a trip not really designed for fun?  We are just so lucky—thanks, Beepa.  The schedule wasn’t nearly the week long, wall-to-wall itinerary we were led through on our Seoul look-see, which at first was strange, but then we realized that it was because this was a more western culture (a lot less to explain).  Mostly, we made discoveries, found a suitable house and it was really great to see my dad.

Early February

We returned to Seoul for a lot of lasts—last American Women’s Club Board meeting, last Seoul International Women’s Club Board Meeting, some farewell coffees, lunches, mani-pedis and dinner parties.

Kyle’s team gave him several very thoughtful gifts, including a custom engraved plaque that had a very sentimental message about what a great, inspiring leader he has been. I would quote it directly, but it is in our air shipment which is not here yet. 

Anyway, it was sad to say our collective goodbyes, as I am very fond of Seoul and I think it is one of the most undersold expat “assignments” that a person can have.  I think this is partly because, as my sister Jess pointed out, it is where the next chapter of my life unfolded—all great things—newlywed years, pregnancy, parenthood, traveling. 

On our final day in the house, we sent Pete to camp for one, last vacation with Mr. Kim and he will fly to meet us when our house is ready. Picture me as my dog left, petting him profusely and telling him I loved him and to have a safe flight (hehehe, that just sounds hilarious to tell your pup to fly safe), but he was just too excited to go with Mr. Kim to listen J.

February 17

On February 17 my parents celebrated 45 years of marriage.  Happy, happy anniversary Mom and Dad.  I am sorry there was no card from us and we could only congratulate you via phone (of course once I got my days straight, thanks to you!)  We love you!

Late February

So, after our third, 11-hour flight in 25 days, here we are in Germany.  They “lost” our stroller at the gate upon landing, which added a cool hour to our arrival scavenger hunt.

Our relocation agent gave us the wrong address to our temporary apartment (Oh, I didn’t tell you that our house won’t be ready until between March 31 and April 10?), so our family and our overstuffed luggage had to execute the correction on foot. Good times. 

But that part is over, and we are in a spacious, nice apartment in Frankfurt’s desirable Westend. A great many things are within walking distance and we are happily settling in and discovering our neighborhood. The first two days were cold but very sunny, which was a nice change from the constant grey and rain that greeted us the entire week of our look-see.

Nathan is adapting nicely and is fascinated by all the bikes, “Biiikeee! Vvvvrrroooom!” and Kyle is off getting his GM-issued vehicle as we speak, so that should also make life a little easier, too.  Lots to do and lots to learn!

:)sbc